Democrats Accidentally Win 55 Senate Seats After Mississippi Man Thought He Was Voting For American Idol
Scott Colom, a circuit court judge who bears a passing resemblance to Ruben Studdard, is now a sitting U.S. Senator after 2.3 million Mississippians 'just really wanted to support the arts'

Image: Ramming Rhino News / Definitely Real Photography Dept.
JACKSON, MS — The Democratic Party expanded its Senate majority to a historic 55 seats Tuesday after what election officials are describing as 'a clerical mix-up of biblical proportions,' in which the entire state of Mississippi apparently believed they were casting votes in the 22nd season of American Idol. The error was not discovered until Senator-elect Scott Colom arrived in Washington, D.C. wearing a tuxedo and carrying sheet music.
'We noticed something was off when the exit polls showed voters primarily cared about his 'stage presence' and 'emotional range on the bridge,'' said Dr. Francine Tuttlebaum, Chief of the Senate Electoral Oversight Commission, a position that was invented three days ago specifically to handle this situation. 'Legally, the votes count. We checked. We checked again. They count.'
Republican leadership responded swiftly, calling the results 'fraudulent, unprecedented, and frankly a little hurtful,' noting that their own candidate had also prepared a musical number but was eliminated in the preliminary round for pitchiness. Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell reportedly stood completely motionless in a hallway for eleven hours before issuing a statement, which sources describe as 'on brand.'
Colom, for his part, has embraced his new role with characteristic composure, telling reporters he is 'fully prepared to legislate' and has 'always considered the law a kind of performance art anyway.' He delivered his acceptance speech entirely in the key of D minor, which constitutional scholars note is not required but also not prohibited.
The Democratic caucus celebrated Thursday with what insiders called 'a vibe the Senate hasn't seen since the Carter administration,' reportedly installing a fog machine in the cloakroom and briefly considering renaming the majority whip position to 'lead vocalist.' Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer was photographed weeping openly into a commemorative banner, though aides clarify he does this whenever the number 55 appears for any reason whatsoever.
At press time, four additional Senate seats in Ohio were being contested after voters reportedly confused a ballot measure with a Chili's appetizer sampler promotion, potentially pushing the Democratic majority to 59.


