MARKETS: Rhino Index rallies as investors trade in belly-lint futures and imaginary goat currency.WEATHER: Meteorologists predict 80 percent chance of metaphorical frog rain and localized reality shifts.BUSINESS: Amazon Cargo Plane Overshoots Runway, Delivers 47 Packages Directly Into Cuban Airspace With Unprecedented Two-Day ShippingPOLITICS: Xi Jinping Arrives In U.S., Immediately Challenges Biden To Costco Food Court DiplomacyWORLD: Dozens Of U.N. Delegates Walk Out During Speech, Walk Directly Into Wrong Building, Spend Three Hours In Danish Tax SeminarPOLITICS: Federal Judge Orders White House To Let CNN Reporter's Emotional Support Ferret Back Into Briefing RoomWORLD: Hurricane Nolo Reportedly Offended By Hawaii's Lack Of Enthusiasm, Threatens To Go To Florida InsteadENTERTAINMENT: Macklemore Announces 'Free Palestine' Tour Featuring Only Thrift Store Venues And One Very Confused Ed Sheeran In A CageWORLD: UN Warns 230,000 Yemenis May Be Displaced By World's Largest Unsupervised Game Of Musical ChairsBUSINESS: Paramount Settles Antitrust Lawsuit By Agreeing To Merge With Every Company On EarthPOLITICS: Republicans Demand Gerrymandering Be Replaced With Actual SalamandersWORLD: India's Multinational Air Exercise Descends Into Chaos After Every Pilot Refuses To Fly SecondMARKETS: Rhino Index rallies as investors trade in belly-lint futures and imaginary goat currency.WEATHER: Meteorologists predict 80 percent chance of metaphorical frog rain and localized reality shifts.BUSINESS: Amazon Cargo Plane Overshoots Runway, Delivers 47 Packages Directly Into Cuban Airspace With Unprecedented Two-Day ShippingPOLITICS: Xi Jinping Arrives In U.S., Immediately Challenges Biden To Costco Food Court DiplomacyWORLD: Dozens Of U.N. Delegates Walk Out During Speech, Walk Directly Into Wrong Building, Spend Three Hours In Danish Tax SeminarPOLITICS: Federal Judge Orders White House To Let CNN Reporter's Emotional Support Ferret Back Into Briefing RoomWORLD: Hurricane Nolo Reportedly Offended By Hawaii's Lack Of Enthusiasm, Threatens To Go To Florida InsteadENTERTAINMENT: Macklemore Announces 'Free Palestine' Tour Featuring Only Thrift Store Venues And One Very Confused Ed Sheeran In A CageWORLD: UN Warns 230,000 Yemenis May Be Displaced By World's Largest Unsupervised Game Of Musical ChairsBUSINESS: Paramount Settles Antitrust Lawsuit By Agreeing To Merge With Every Company On EarthPOLITICS: Republicans Demand Gerrymandering Be Replaced With Actual SalamandersWORLD: India's Multinational Air Exercise Descends Into Chaos After Every Pilot Refuses To Fly Second

Rhino Weather Service

The Forecast

Meteorological predictions from a team of rhinos who once looked at a cloud and guessed. Accuracy may vary. By "may vary" we mean "is definitely wrong."

Undisclosed Location, Earth

72°

Partly cloudy with a chance of existential dread

45% Humidity
12 mph Wind

Today

Localized reality shifts

85°/60°

Tue

Heavy regret showers

78°/55°

Wed

Metaphorical frog storm

70°/48°

Thu

Unexplained gusty optimism

82°/62°

Fri

Sudden onset of static fog

65°/50°

The Weekly Forecast: Prepare for Existential Precipitation

Residents are advised to carry umbrellas, as current models suggest a high probability of 'Regret Showers' throughout the afternoon.

Regional Outlook

Meteorology teams have confirmed that the humidity is caused by the earth sweating from pure anticipation. Please secure all loose furniture and fragile emotions until the sky returns to a neutral shade of beige.

DISCLAIMER: All weather forecasts on this page are entirely fictional. Ramming Rhino News is not a meteorological service. Do not plan picnics, weddings, or escape routes based on this information.

MARKETS: Rhino Index rallies as investors trade in belly-lint futures and imaginary goat currency.WEATHER: Meteorologists predict 80 percent chance of metaphorical frog rain and localized reality shifts.BUSINESS: Amazon Cargo Plane Overshoots Runway, Delivers 47 Packages Directly Into Cuban Airspace With Unprecedented Two-Day ShippingPOLITICS: Xi Jinping Arrives In U.S., Immediately Challenges Biden To Costco Food Court DiplomacyWORLD: Dozens Of U.N. Delegates Walk Out During Speech, Walk Directly Into Wrong Building, Spend Three Hours In Danish Tax SeminarPOLITICS: Federal Judge Orders White House To Let CNN Reporter's Emotional Support Ferret Back Into Briefing RoomWORLD: Hurricane Nolo Reportedly Offended By Hawaii's Lack Of Enthusiasm, Threatens To Go To Florida InsteadENTERTAINMENT: Macklemore Announces 'Free Palestine' Tour Featuring Only Thrift Store Venues And One Very Confused Ed Sheeran In A CageWORLD: UN Warns 230,000 Yemenis May Be Displaced By World's Largest Unsupervised Game Of Musical ChairsBUSINESS: Paramount Settles Antitrust Lawsuit By Agreeing To Merge With Every Company On EarthPOLITICS: Republicans Demand Gerrymandering Be Replaced With Actual SalamandersWORLD: India's Multinational Air Exercise Descends Into Chaos After Every Pilot Refuses To Fly SecondMARKETS: Rhino Index rallies as investors trade in belly-lint futures and imaginary goat currency.WEATHER: Meteorologists predict 80 percent chance of metaphorical frog rain and localized reality shifts.BUSINESS: Amazon Cargo Plane Overshoots Runway, Delivers 47 Packages Directly Into Cuban Airspace With Unprecedented Two-Day ShippingPOLITICS: Xi Jinping Arrives In U.S., Immediately Challenges Biden To Costco Food Court DiplomacyWORLD: Dozens Of U.N. Delegates Walk Out During Speech, Walk Directly Into Wrong Building, Spend Three Hours In Danish Tax SeminarPOLITICS: Federal Judge Orders White House To Let CNN Reporter's Emotional Support Ferret Back Into Briefing RoomWORLD: Hurricane Nolo Reportedly Offended By Hawaii's Lack Of Enthusiasm, Threatens To Go To Florida InsteadENTERTAINMENT: Macklemore Announces 'Free Palestine' Tour Featuring Only Thrift Store Venues And One Very Confused Ed Sheeran In A CageWORLD: UN Warns 230,000 Yemenis May Be Displaced By World's Largest Unsupervised Game Of Musical ChairsBUSINESS: Paramount Settles Antitrust Lawsuit By Agreeing To Merge With Every Company On EarthPOLITICS: Republicans Demand Gerrymandering Be Replaced With Actual SalamandersWORLD: India's Multinational Air Exercise Descends Into Chaos After Every Pilot Refuses To Fly Second
Ramming RhinoRAMMING RHINO NEWS

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