MARKETS: Rhino Index Spikes as Investors Discover Value in Pre-historic Air SamplesWEATHER: Local Forecast Predicts Mild Shower of Frogs Followed by Spontaneous HumidityTECH: Microsoft Outage Enters Day Two As Billions Of Workers Forced To Communicate Using Actual WordsSCIENCE: US Loses Measles-Free Status After Nation Collectively Decides Spots Are 'Kind Of Cute Actually'BUSINESS: Federal Reserve Warns Nation's Economy Now Entirely Dependent On One Extremely Confident RoombaBUSINESS: Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang Ousted After Board Discovers He Has Been A Golden Retriever In A Leather Jacket This Entire TimePOLITICS: Democrats Accidentally Win 55 Senate Seats After Mississippi Man Thought He Was Voting For American IdolSCIENCE: Congo Reports Ebola Outbreak Has Politely Agreed To Stop After Receiving Strongly Worded Letter From Local HOAPOLITICS: Democrats Win 254 House Seats, Accidentally Also Claim Ownership Of A Denny's In TulsaTECH: AI Bubble Bursts, Releases 40 Million Unemployed Chatbots Into The WildPOLITICS: HEGSETH IMPEACHMENT BLOCKED AFTER SEVEN CONGRESSMEN DISTRACTED BY FREE CHURRO CART IN HALLWAYWORLD: US Soldier Arrested For Espionage After Accidentally Emailing State Secrets To Russia Instead Of His Fantasy Football LeagueMARKETS: Rhino Index Spikes as Investors Discover Value in Pre-historic Air SamplesWEATHER: Local Forecast Predicts Mild Shower of Frogs Followed by Spontaneous HumidityTECH: Microsoft Outage Enters Day Two As Billions Of Workers Forced To Communicate Using Actual WordsSCIENCE: US Loses Measles-Free Status After Nation Collectively Decides Spots Are 'Kind Of Cute Actually'BUSINESS: Federal Reserve Warns Nation's Economy Now Entirely Dependent On One Extremely Confident RoombaBUSINESS: Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang Ousted After Board Discovers He Has Been A Golden Retriever In A Leather Jacket This Entire TimePOLITICS: Democrats Accidentally Win 55 Senate Seats After Mississippi Man Thought He Was Voting For American IdolSCIENCE: Congo Reports Ebola Outbreak Has Politely Agreed To Stop After Receiving Strongly Worded Letter From Local HOAPOLITICS: Democrats Win 254 House Seats, Accidentally Also Claim Ownership Of A Denny's In TulsaTECH: AI Bubble Bursts, Releases 40 Million Unemployed Chatbots Into The WildPOLITICS: HEGSETH IMPEACHMENT BLOCKED AFTER SEVEN CONGRESSMEN DISTRACTED BY FREE CHURRO CART IN HALLWAYWORLD: US Soldier Arrested For Espionage After Accidentally Emailing State Secrets To Russia Instead Of His Fantasy Football League

Rhino Weather Service

The Forecast

Meteorological predictions from a team of rhinos who once looked at a cloud and guessed. Accuracy may vary. By "may vary" we mean "is definitely wrong."

Undisclosed Location, Earth

72°

Partly cloudy with a chance of existential dread

45% Humidity
12 mph Wind

Today

Frog shower expected

75°/68°

Tue

Spontaneous glitter storms

80°/72°

Wed

Judgmental skies

65°/55°

Thu

Mild existential wind

70°/60°

Fri

Bright sunshine and confusion

85°/75°

Meteorological Outlook: Expect Unusual Atmospheric Shenanigans

Local meteorologists at the Rhino Observatory report that the atmosphere has reached a state of 'mild inconvenience.' High-pressure systems are currently battling low-pressure system's desire to sleep in.

Forecast Highlights

  • Today: High probability of existential dread and scattered precipitation of glitter.
  • Outlook: Keep your umbrellas ready, as the sky is expected to become quite judgmental by Thursday.

DISCLAIMER: All weather forecasts on this page are entirely fictional. Ramming Rhino News is not a meteorological service. Do not plan picnics, weddings, or escape routes based on this information.

MARKETS: Rhino Index Spikes as Investors Discover Value in Pre-historic Air SamplesWEATHER: Local Forecast Predicts Mild Shower of Frogs Followed by Spontaneous HumidityTECH: Microsoft Outage Enters Day Two As Billions Of Workers Forced To Communicate Using Actual WordsSCIENCE: US Loses Measles-Free Status After Nation Collectively Decides Spots Are 'Kind Of Cute Actually'BUSINESS: Federal Reserve Warns Nation's Economy Now Entirely Dependent On One Extremely Confident RoombaBUSINESS: Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang Ousted After Board Discovers He Has Been A Golden Retriever In A Leather Jacket This Entire TimePOLITICS: Democrats Accidentally Win 55 Senate Seats After Mississippi Man Thought He Was Voting For American IdolSCIENCE: Congo Reports Ebola Outbreak Has Politely Agreed To Stop After Receiving Strongly Worded Letter From Local HOAPOLITICS: Democrats Win 254 House Seats, Accidentally Also Claim Ownership Of A Denny's In TulsaTECH: AI Bubble Bursts, Releases 40 Million Unemployed Chatbots Into The WildPOLITICS: HEGSETH IMPEACHMENT BLOCKED AFTER SEVEN CONGRESSMEN DISTRACTED BY FREE CHURRO CART IN HALLWAYWORLD: US Soldier Arrested For Espionage After Accidentally Emailing State Secrets To Russia Instead Of His Fantasy Football LeagueMARKETS: Rhino Index Spikes as Investors Discover Value in Pre-historic Air SamplesWEATHER: Local Forecast Predicts Mild Shower of Frogs Followed by Spontaneous HumidityTECH: Microsoft Outage Enters Day Two As Billions Of Workers Forced To Communicate Using Actual WordsSCIENCE: US Loses Measles-Free Status After Nation Collectively Decides Spots Are 'Kind Of Cute Actually'BUSINESS: Federal Reserve Warns Nation's Economy Now Entirely Dependent On One Extremely Confident RoombaBUSINESS: Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang Ousted After Board Discovers He Has Been A Golden Retriever In A Leather Jacket This Entire TimePOLITICS: Democrats Accidentally Win 55 Senate Seats After Mississippi Man Thought He Was Voting For American IdolSCIENCE: Congo Reports Ebola Outbreak Has Politely Agreed To Stop After Receiving Strongly Worded Letter From Local HOAPOLITICS: Democrats Win 254 House Seats, Accidentally Also Claim Ownership Of A Denny's In TulsaTECH: AI Bubble Bursts, Releases 40 Million Unemployed Chatbots Into The WildPOLITICS: HEGSETH IMPEACHMENT BLOCKED AFTER SEVEN CONGRESSMEN DISTRACTED BY FREE CHURRO CART IN HALLWAYWORLD: US Soldier Arrested For Espionage After Accidentally Emailing State Secrets To Russia Instead Of His Fantasy Football League
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