LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Ramming Rhino News ("The Publication," "This Mistake," "The Thing Your Mother Warned You About") is a work of satirical fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and frankly a little concerning. By reading this website, you agree that reality is a construct, facts are merely suggestions, and that a rhinoceros could, in theory, hold public office. The opinions expressed herein do not reflect the views of any organization, government, or sapient mammal. All "facts" presented have been verified by our in-house Fact-O-Meter™, which is a literal spinning wheel in a break room that smells like old coffee. We are not responsible for beverages expelled through nostrils while reading, awkward conversations started by sharing our articles, or any diplomatic incidents arising from mistaking our content for actual news. Our "sources" include a guy named Dave who "heard something at the gym," a magic 8-ball with anger issues, and the collective unconscious of a species that once thought radium was a health supplement. If you have been harmed by our reporting, please contact our legal department, which consists of a cardboard cutout of a lawyer propped against a filing cabinet. The filing cabinet is locked. We've lost the key. Side effects of reading Ramming Rhino News may include: uncontrollable smirking, sudden distrust of legitimate news sources, the urge to send articles to your uncle who "won't get it," and a persistent feeling that the real news might actually be the satire. No animals were harmed in the making of this website, though one rhinoceros was mildly inconvenienced. © 2026 Ramming Rhino News. All Rights Reversed.