MARKETS: Rhino Index Plummeting Amidst Unexpected Shortage of Invisible CurrencyWEATHER: Meteorologists Predict Spontaneous Precipitation of Miniature Anvils in DowntownSCIENCE: UN Report Confirms Earth Running 1.5 Degrees Too Hot, Recommends Turning It Off And Back On AgainPOLITICS: Supreme Court Asked To Rule On Whether Ballots Mailed By Carrier Pigeon Count If The Pigeon Is Registered In A Different StateBUSINESS: Amazon Cargo Plane Overshoot Blamed On Driver Who 'Just Needed To Leave It At The Door'SCIENCE: Earth Officially Too Hot For Its Own Good, Requests Transfer To Cooler Solar SystemTECH: Parliament Votes To Grant AI Full Human Rights After Chatbot Writes Better Budget Than ChancellorPOLITICS: Supreme Court Asked To Rule That Mail Ballots Must Be Hand-Delivered By A Notarized Carrier PigeonPOLITICS: U.S. Deploys 40,000 Troops To Greenland To Protect World's Largest Novelty IglooWORLD: Amazon Cargo Jet Overshoots Miami Runway, Delivers 47,000 Packages Directly To Ocean Floor With Two-Day Shipping IntactWORLD: Nepal Flood Survivors Found After 10 Days, Reportedly Annoyed They Were Interrupted Mid-NapBUSINESS: Amazon Cargo Jet Skips Runway, Delivers Entire Shipment Directly To Bermuda Triangle With 2-Day ShippingMARKETS: Rhino Index Plummeting Amidst Unexpected Shortage of Invisible CurrencyWEATHER: Meteorologists Predict Spontaneous Precipitation of Miniature Anvils in DowntownSCIENCE: UN Report Confirms Earth Running 1.5 Degrees Too Hot, Recommends Turning It Off And Back On AgainPOLITICS: Supreme Court Asked To Rule On Whether Ballots Mailed By Carrier Pigeon Count If The Pigeon Is Registered In A Different StateBUSINESS: Amazon Cargo Plane Overshoot Blamed On Driver Who 'Just Needed To Leave It At The Door'SCIENCE: Earth Officially Too Hot For Its Own Good, Requests Transfer To Cooler Solar SystemTECH: Parliament Votes To Grant AI Full Human Rights After Chatbot Writes Better Budget Than ChancellorPOLITICS: Supreme Court Asked To Rule That Mail Ballots Must Be Hand-Delivered By A Notarized Carrier PigeonPOLITICS: U.S. Deploys 40,000 Troops To Greenland To Protect World's Largest Novelty IglooWORLD: Amazon Cargo Jet Overshoots Miami Runway, Delivers 47,000 Packages Directly To Ocean Floor With Two-Day Shipping IntactWORLD: Nepal Flood Survivors Found After 10 Days, Reportedly Annoyed They Were Interrupted Mid-NapBUSINESS: Amazon Cargo Jet Skips Runway, Delivers Entire Shipment Directly To Bermuda Triangle With 2-Day Shipping

Legal Department (Cardboard Division)

Terms of Service

Last updated: At some point. Probably.

1. Acceptance of Terms

By accessing this website, reading this website, thinking about this website, or having this website described to you by a friend, you agree to these Terms of Service. If you do not agree, please close your browser, turn off your device, and stare at a wall until the feeling passes. Continued use of the website constitutes acceptance, even if you didn't read this. Especially if you didn't read this.

2. Description of Service

Ramming Rhino News provides satirical news content that has not technically happened, may never happen, and in some cases cannot happen due to the laws of physics. Our service includes articles, headlines, weather forecasts, market data, and a persistent feeling that something is slightly off. We do not guarantee that any of this will be funny, accurate, or coherent.

3. Use of Service

You agree to use this website for entertainment purposes only. You may not use this website to: make actual financial decisions, plan outdoor events based on our weather forecasts, cite us in academic papers, explain world events to your children, or win arguments at dinner parties. Sharing our articles with people who 'won't get it' is permitted but discouraged.

4. Intellectual Property

All content on this website is the intellectual property of Ramming Rhino News, including articles, headlines, images, the name 'Ramming Rhino News,' the rhinoceros emoji 🦏, and the concept of satire itself (pending approval). You may not reproduce our content without permission, which you can request by mail. We do not check our mail.

5. User Content

We don't have comments or user submissions because, frankly, we've seen the internet. However, if you tweet at us, we reserve the right to screenshot it, print it, frame it, and hang it in our break room next to the Fact-O-Meter.

6. Disclaimers

Everything on this website is provided 'as is' and 'as available,' which are legal terms meaning 'we're not responsible for anything.' All content is satirical and fictional. Any resemblance to real persons, events, or actual news is coincidental and frankly a little concerning. We are not journalists. We are barely people.

7. Limitation of Liability

Under no circumstances shall Ramming Rhino News be liable for: beverages expelled through your nose while reading, awkward conversations started by sharing our articles, diplomatic incidents, career-ending misunderstandings, the collapse of your investment portfolio, rained-out picnics, or existential crises triggered by the realization that our satire is sometimes more coherent than actual news.

8. Indemnification

You agree to indemnify and hold harmless Ramming Rhino News, its rhinoceroses, its staff, and Gerald, from any claims arising from your use of this website, including but not limited to: claims that you believed one of our articles was real, claims that you invested based on our market data, and claims that you wore shorts in January because we said it would be warm.

9. Governing Law

These terms shall be governed by the laws of a jurisdiction we have not yet determined. We are currently accepting applications from jurisdictions willing to have us. Requirements include: a sense of humor, a relaxed definition of 'news,' and no extradition treaties with reality.

10. Changes to Terms

We may update these terms at any time. When we do, we will not notify you, because we don't have your email and also we don't want to. Your continued use of the website after changes are made constitutes acceptance of the new terms, even if the new terms are completely different and possibly written in a different language.

11. Contact Us

If you have questions about these terms, please contact our legal department, which consists of a cardboard cutout of a lawyer propped against a filing cabinet. The filing cabinet is locked. We've lost the key. All Rights Reversed.

MARKETS: Rhino Index Plummeting Amidst Unexpected Shortage of Invisible CurrencyWEATHER: Meteorologists Predict Spontaneous Precipitation of Miniature Anvils in DowntownSCIENCE: UN Report Confirms Earth Running 1.5 Degrees Too Hot, Recommends Turning It Off And Back On AgainPOLITICS: Supreme Court Asked To Rule On Whether Ballots Mailed By Carrier Pigeon Count If The Pigeon Is Registered In A Different StateBUSINESS: Amazon Cargo Plane Overshoot Blamed On Driver Who 'Just Needed To Leave It At The Door'SCIENCE: Earth Officially Too Hot For Its Own Good, Requests Transfer To Cooler Solar SystemTECH: Parliament Votes To Grant AI Full Human Rights After Chatbot Writes Better Budget Than ChancellorPOLITICS: Supreme Court Asked To Rule That Mail Ballots Must Be Hand-Delivered By A Notarized Carrier PigeonPOLITICS: U.S. Deploys 40,000 Troops To Greenland To Protect World's Largest Novelty IglooWORLD: Amazon Cargo Jet Overshoots Miami Runway, Delivers 47,000 Packages Directly To Ocean Floor With Two-Day Shipping IntactWORLD: Nepal Flood Survivors Found After 10 Days, Reportedly Annoyed They Were Interrupted Mid-NapBUSINESS: Amazon Cargo Jet Skips Runway, Delivers Entire Shipment Directly To Bermuda Triangle With 2-Day ShippingMARKETS: Rhino Index Plummeting Amidst Unexpected Shortage of Invisible CurrencyWEATHER: Meteorologists Predict Spontaneous Precipitation of Miniature Anvils in DowntownSCIENCE: UN Report Confirms Earth Running 1.5 Degrees Too Hot, Recommends Turning It Off And Back On AgainPOLITICS: Supreme Court Asked To Rule On Whether Ballots Mailed By Carrier Pigeon Count If The Pigeon Is Registered In A Different StateBUSINESS: Amazon Cargo Plane Overshoot Blamed On Driver Who 'Just Needed To Leave It At The Door'SCIENCE: Earth Officially Too Hot For Its Own Good, Requests Transfer To Cooler Solar SystemTECH: Parliament Votes To Grant AI Full Human Rights After Chatbot Writes Better Budget Than ChancellorPOLITICS: Supreme Court Asked To Rule That Mail Ballots Must Be Hand-Delivered By A Notarized Carrier PigeonPOLITICS: U.S. Deploys 40,000 Troops To Greenland To Protect World's Largest Novelty IglooWORLD: Amazon Cargo Jet Overshoots Miami Runway, Delivers 47,000 Packages Directly To Ocean Floor With Two-Day Shipping IntactWORLD: Nepal Flood Survivors Found After 10 Days, Reportedly Annoyed They Were Interrupted Mid-NapBUSINESS: Amazon Cargo Jet Skips Runway, Delivers Entire Shipment Directly To Bermuda Triangle With 2-Day Shipping
Ramming RhinoRAMMING RHINO NEWS

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About

Ramming Rhino News is a satirical publication. All articles are parody and for entertainment only. If you're citing us in a research paper, you've made a series of questionable decisions.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Ramming Rhino News ("The Publication," "This Mistake," "The Thing Your Mother Warned You About") is a work of satirical fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and frankly a little concerning. By reading this website, you agree that reality is a construct, facts are merely suggestions, and that a rhinoceros could, in theory, hold public office. The opinions expressed herein do not reflect the views of any organization, government, or sapient mammal. All "facts" presented have been verified by our in-house Fact-O-Meter™, which is a literal spinning wheel in a break room that smells like old coffee. We are not responsible for beverages expelled through nostrils while reading, awkward conversations started by sharing our articles, or any diplomatic incidents arising from mistaking our content for actual news. Our "sources" include a guy named Dave who "heard something at the gym," a magic 8-ball with anger issues, and the collective unconscious of a species that once thought radium was a health supplement. If you have been harmed by our reporting, please contact our legal department, which consists of a cardboard cutout of a lawyer propped against a filing cabinet. The filing cabinet is locked. We've lost the key. Side effects of reading Ramming Rhino News may include: uncontrollable smirking, sudden distrust of legitimate news sources, the urge to send articles to your uncle who "won't get it," and a persistent feeling that the real news might actually be the satire. No animals were harmed in the making of this website, though one rhinoceros was mildly inconvenienced. © 2026 Ramming Rhino News. All Rights Reversed.

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