About Ramming Rhino News

What We Are

Ramming Rhino News is a satirical news publication dedicated to the ancient art of saying things that aren't true in a very convincing tone. We are what happens when a rhinoceros reads too many newspapers and decides it could do better. It could not. But here we are.

Our Mission

Our mission is to deliver truth-adjacent content that makes you laugh, think, and occasionally question whether the real news might actually be the satire. We believe that reality is a construct, facts are merely suggestions, and that a well-placed absurd headline can brighten even the most Tuesday of Tuesdays.

Our Team

Our writing staff includes:

• Brent Holloway-Fisch — Senior Correspondent, Things That Definitely Didn't Happen
• Bartholomew J. Pressley III — World Affairs & Rhinoceros Diplomacy
• Darla Pinch-Howell, Esq. — Legal Affairs & Sentient Property Law
• Gerald — Editor-in-Chief (a rhinoceros, but we don't judge)
• Staff Rhino — Everyone else, because we lost track

Our Sources

Our sources include: a guy named Dave who heard something at the gym, a magic 8-ball with anger issues, the collective unconscious of a species that once thought radium was a health supplement, and an LLM that we've trained on approximately 40,000 hours of news broadcasts and one (1) episode of a cooking show. We do not disclose which sources are real and which are fictional, because we genuinely cannot remember.

The Fact-O-Meter™

Every article is verified by our proprietary Fact-O-Meter™, which is a literal spinning wheel in a break room that smells like old coffee. The Fact-O-Meter assigns each story a Truthiness Rating ranging from "100% Truthiness" to "Plausible in 2030." These ratings are scientifically meaningless and we are very proud of them.

The Daily Ram

Each day, our automated rhino newsroom scans the real news for trending topics, selects one, and generates a completely fabricated parody article. This is our "Daily Ram" — the featured story you see at the top of the homepage. It updates once a day, like a newspaper, except the newspaper is a rhinoceros and the news is a lie.

Contact Us

You can't. We don't have a contact form. We don't check our email. Our phone number is a disconnected line in a building that was demolished in 2007. If you need to reach us, try shouting. If you need to reach us legally, please refer to our Terms of Service, which explains that our legal department is a cardboard cutout.