MARKETS: Rhino Index rallies as investors trade in belly-lint futures and imaginary goat currency.WEATHER: Meteorologists predict 80 percent chance of metaphorical frog rain and localized reality shifts.BUSINESS: Amazon Cargo Plane Overshoots Runway, Delivers 47 Packages Directly Into Cuban Airspace With Unprecedented Two-Day ShippingPOLITICS: Xi Jinping Arrives In U.S., Immediately Challenges Biden To Costco Food Court DiplomacyWORLD: Dozens Of U.N. Delegates Walk Out During Speech, Walk Directly Into Wrong Building, Spend Three Hours In Danish Tax SeminarPOLITICS: Federal Judge Orders White House To Let CNN Reporter's Emotional Support Ferret Back Into Briefing RoomWORLD: Hurricane Nolo Reportedly Offended By Hawaii's Lack Of Enthusiasm, Threatens To Go To Florida InsteadENTERTAINMENT: Macklemore Announces 'Free Palestine' Tour Featuring Only Thrift Store Venues And One Very Confused Ed Sheeran In A CageWORLD: UN Warns 230,000 Yemenis May Be Displaced By World's Largest Unsupervised Game Of Musical ChairsBUSINESS: Paramount Settles Antitrust Lawsuit By Agreeing To Merge With Every Company On EarthPOLITICS: Republicans Demand Gerrymandering Be Replaced With Actual SalamandersWORLD: India's Multinational Air Exercise Descends Into Chaos After Every Pilot Refuses To Fly SecondMARKETS: Rhino Index rallies as investors trade in belly-lint futures and imaginary goat currency.WEATHER: Meteorologists predict 80 percent chance of metaphorical frog rain and localized reality shifts.BUSINESS: Amazon Cargo Plane Overshoots Runway, Delivers 47 Packages Directly Into Cuban Airspace With Unprecedented Two-Day ShippingPOLITICS: Xi Jinping Arrives In U.S., Immediately Challenges Biden To Costco Food Court DiplomacyWORLD: Dozens Of U.N. Delegates Walk Out During Speech, Walk Directly Into Wrong Building, Spend Three Hours In Danish Tax SeminarPOLITICS: Federal Judge Orders White House To Let CNN Reporter's Emotional Support Ferret Back Into Briefing RoomWORLD: Hurricane Nolo Reportedly Offended By Hawaii's Lack Of Enthusiasm, Threatens To Go To Florida InsteadENTERTAINMENT: Macklemore Announces 'Free Palestine' Tour Featuring Only Thrift Store Venues And One Very Confused Ed Sheeran In A CageWORLD: UN Warns 230,000 Yemenis May Be Displaced By World's Largest Unsupervised Game Of Musical ChairsBUSINESS: Paramount Settles Antitrust Lawsuit By Agreeing To Merge With Every Company On EarthPOLITICS: Republicans Demand Gerrymandering Be Replaced With Actual SalamandersWORLD: India's Multinational Air Exercise Descends Into Chaos After Every Pilot Refuses To Fly Second

About the Publication

About Ramming Rhino News

What We Are

Ramming Rhino News is a satirical news publication dedicated to the ancient art of saying things that aren't true in a very convincing tone. We are what happens when a rhinoceros reads too many newspapers and decides it could do better. It could not. But here we are.

Our Mission

Our mission is to deliver truth-adjacent content that makes you laugh, think, and occasionally question whether the real news might actually be the satire. We believe that reality is a construct, facts are merely suggestions, and that a well-placed absurd headline can brighten even the most Tuesday of Tuesdays.

Our Team

Our writing staff includes:

  • Brent Holloway-Fisch — Senior Correspondent, Things That Definitely Didn't Happen
  • Bartholomew J. Pressley III — World Affairs & Rhinoceros Diplomacy
  • Darla Pinch-Howell, Esq. — Legal Affairs & Sentient Property Law
  • Gerald — Editor-in-Chief (a rhinoceros, but we don't judge)
  • Staff Rhino — Everyone else, because we lost track

Our Sources

Our sources include: a guy named Dave who heard something at the gym, a magic 8-ball with anger issues, the collective unconscious of a species that once thought radium was a health supplement, and an LLM that we've trained on approximately 40,000 hours of news broadcasts and one (1) episode of a cooking show. We do not disclose which sources are real and which are fictional, because we genuinely cannot remember.

The Fact-O-Meter™

Every article is verified by our proprietary Fact-O-Meter™, which is a literal spinning wheel in a break room that smells like old coffee. The Fact-O-Meter assigns each story a Truthiness Rating ranging from "100% Truthiness" to "Plausible in 2030." These ratings are scientifically meaningless and we are very proud of them.

The Daily Ram

Each day, our automated rhino newsroom scans the real news for trending topics, selects one, and generates a completely fabricated parody article. This is our "Daily Ram" — the featured story you see at the top of the homepage. It updates once a day, like a newspaper, except the newspaper is a rhinoceros and the news is a lie.

Contact Us

You can't. We don't have a contact form. We don't check our email. Our phone number is a disconnected line in a building that was demolished in 2007. If you need to reach us, try shouting. If you need to reach us legally, please refer to our Terms of Service, which explains that our legal department is a cardboard cutout.

🦏

Ramming Rhino News

Breaking reality since whenever you started reading.

MARKETS: Rhino Index rallies as investors trade in belly-lint futures and imaginary goat currency.WEATHER: Meteorologists predict 80 percent chance of metaphorical frog rain and localized reality shifts.BUSINESS: Amazon Cargo Plane Overshoots Runway, Delivers 47 Packages Directly Into Cuban Airspace With Unprecedented Two-Day ShippingPOLITICS: Xi Jinping Arrives In U.S., Immediately Challenges Biden To Costco Food Court DiplomacyWORLD: Dozens Of U.N. Delegates Walk Out During Speech, Walk Directly Into Wrong Building, Spend Three Hours In Danish Tax SeminarPOLITICS: Federal Judge Orders White House To Let CNN Reporter's Emotional Support Ferret Back Into Briefing RoomWORLD: Hurricane Nolo Reportedly Offended By Hawaii's Lack Of Enthusiasm, Threatens To Go To Florida InsteadENTERTAINMENT: Macklemore Announces 'Free Palestine' Tour Featuring Only Thrift Store Venues And One Very Confused Ed Sheeran In A CageWORLD: UN Warns 230,000 Yemenis May Be Displaced By World's Largest Unsupervised Game Of Musical ChairsBUSINESS: Paramount Settles Antitrust Lawsuit By Agreeing To Merge With Every Company On EarthPOLITICS: Republicans Demand Gerrymandering Be Replaced With Actual SalamandersWORLD: India's Multinational Air Exercise Descends Into Chaos After Every Pilot Refuses To Fly SecondMARKETS: Rhino Index rallies as investors trade in belly-lint futures and imaginary goat currency.WEATHER: Meteorologists predict 80 percent chance of metaphorical frog rain and localized reality shifts.BUSINESS: Amazon Cargo Plane Overshoots Runway, Delivers 47 Packages Directly Into Cuban Airspace With Unprecedented Two-Day ShippingPOLITICS: Xi Jinping Arrives In U.S., Immediately Challenges Biden To Costco Food Court DiplomacyWORLD: Dozens Of U.N. Delegates Walk Out During Speech, Walk Directly Into Wrong Building, Spend Three Hours In Danish Tax SeminarPOLITICS: Federal Judge Orders White House To Let CNN Reporter's Emotional Support Ferret Back Into Briefing RoomWORLD: Hurricane Nolo Reportedly Offended By Hawaii's Lack Of Enthusiasm, Threatens To Go To Florida InsteadENTERTAINMENT: Macklemore Announces 'Free Palestine' Tour Featuring Only Thrift Store Venues And One Very Confused Ed Sheeran In A CageWORLD: UN Warns 230,000 Yemenis May Be Displaced By World's Largest Unsupervised Game Of Musical ChairsBUSINESS: Paramount Settles Antitrust Lawsuit By Agreeing To Merge With Every Company On EarthPOLITICS: Republicans Demand Gerrymandering Be Replaced With Actual SalamandersWORLD: India's Multinational Air Exercise Descends Into Chaos After Every Pilot Refuses To Fly Second
Ramming RhinoRAMMING RHINO NEWS

The world's most trusted source of news that hasn't technically happened. Delivering truth-adjacent content since whenever you started reading this.

About

Ramming Rhino News is a satirical publication. All articles are parody and for entertainment only. If you're citing us in a research paper, you've made a series of questionable decisions.

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Ramming Rhino News ("The Publication," "This Mistake," "The Thing Your Mother Warned You About") is a work of satirical fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and frankly a little concerning. By reading this website, you agree that reality is a construct, facts are merely suggestions, and that a rhinoceros could, in theory, hold public office. The opinions expressed herein do not reflect the views of any organization, government, or sapient mammal. All "facts" presented have been verified by our in-house Fact-O-Meter™, which is a literal spinning wheel in a break room that smells like old coffee. We are not responsible for beverages expelled through nostrils while reading, awkward conversations started by sharing our articles, or any diplomatic incidents arising from mistaking our content for actual news. Our "sources" include a guy named Dave who "heard something at the gym," a magic 8-ball with anger issues, and the collective unconscious of a species that once thought radium was a health supplement. If you have been harmed by our reporting, please contact our legal department, which consists of a cardboard cutout of a lawyer propped against a filing cabinet. The filing cabinet is locked. We've lost the key. Side effects of reading Ramming Rhino News may include: uncontrollable smirking, sudden distrust of legitimate news sources, the urge to send articles to your uncle who "won't get it," and a persistent feeling that the real news might actually be the satire. No animals were harmed in the making of this website, though one rhinoceros was mildly inconvenienced. © 2026 Ramming Rhino News. All Rights Reversed.

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